


Don't Leave Me

by catholicorprotestant



Series: Seijoh Third Years College AU [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet, College AU, Comfort, M/M, Tooru has anxiety and depression, Tooru moves to Tokyo, going away to college, hinted mental illness, implied hanamaki - Freeform, it's basically a mix of sad an happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 06:36:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10825791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catholicorprotestant/pseuds/catholicorprotestant
Summary: As summer closes to an end, Tooru and Hajime are off to college. The closing of their high school chapter and beginning of college is bittersweet.





	Don't Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so idk why I'm so obsessed with writing these oneshots, but I am. I'm feeling so inspired. So in light of finals season, and seniors graduating and going off to their new adventures, I wish you the best. 
> 
> Now I present this to you:

The wind blew through the trees, ruffling the hair of the two boy sitting on the small rock by the edge of the stream. The songs of the woods kept them company in their silence. Neither knew what to say, so they sat in silence, spending one more night pretending things weren’t about to change so significantly. The two had known each other since the younger was born. How could you go on without the person who has stood by your side for nineteen years? It was easier to not think about it. Words didn’t do much good, not now. Seasons were changing. Summer was fastly fading into fall. It was cooler now in the evening as the sunset above them. The sky was full of golds, pinks, and purples painting the sky in a brilliant masterpiece. They stared up at the sky, taking comfort in the fact that no matter where they were in the world, they would look at the same sky.

A cold burst of wind blew past them. Tooru shivered, sneaking closer to Hajime. Their fingers mingled for just a moment, as if grasping for the other. Tonight was the last night before Tooru went away for college in Tokyo at the school of his dreams with the big gym, and renowned team. He would study art. The paint would cover his fingers, sticking her his nails. His fingers would be stained black from his sketches. It was hard to think Hajime wouldn’t be there to poke fun at it.

Hajime’s arms wrapped around Tooru, pulling him close. Tooru leaned against him, taking him in. He felt safe, warm, happy. There was never a person that made him feel so secure the way Iwaizumi Hajime had. He reminded himself he could still talk on the phone, still text, and video chat. They’d be one train away. Still it felt too far. He just wanted to stay in this moment, with this boy who he’d fallen in love with.

Neither of them knew the exact moment. You never do when you fall in love with your best friend. You don’t have the heart racing every time they look at you. Your stomach doesn’t flutter with butterflies keeping your voice trapped in their wings. There isn’t a touch that sends electricity through your body. It’s not poetic, falling in love your best friend. It’s calm and familiar. You simply notice the way their eyes crinkle and light up with the laugh, or the way they frown when things are bothering them. It’s things that you’ve always realized, but suddenly it’s blaringly obvious. It’s nights where you don’t want to fall asleep because you just want to talk to them one moment longer. When you kiss, it’s sweet and exciting, but also feels like that was how it was supposed to be. You learn their lips press against yours better than anyone else, and you fit so perfectly in their arms. Of course you never realized it until you tried to be in another’s. No, falling in love with your best friend was easy.

It was leaving that was hard.

They had known for a while they would go to different universities. They wanted to pursue different avenues. Hajime was going to go on to be a doctor to save precious souls and ease their suffering. It made Tooru’s heart swell how proud he was of this boy, this man. They were men now, weren’t they? He still wasn’t used to it. In one short year they would be out of their teens. It was scary to think about, but if being an adult meant that Hajime could change the world, then by all means, Tooru couldn’t wait.

Tooru wondered sometimes if he was making the right decision by choosing to continue playing volleyball. It was all he had ever wanted. Nothing was more exhilarating than a crowd cheering you on as you faced an opponent, fighting hard to win. Without Hajime on his left, ready to go, would he still like it? These were thoughts that spun in his head these days. He thought back to that final game, how much it hurt to know that he would never get to toss to Hajime in a competition again. The way the tears fell down Hajime’s face despite trying to hold back as the realization it was over, this chapter of their life was closed in one blow of a whistle.

But it wasn’t over was it? It was just beginning. They would be in different cities studying different things, living different lives, but they would have each other. It was like they were connected by and invisible string. They would always find each other even if they were miles apart. They were tied forever, and in that there was comfort. Tooru didn’t know if he believed in soulmates, but he believed in them. He couldn’t stop believing for one second that this would ever end.

When Tooru thought about the past, Hajime was smiling at him from the top of the tree they climbed when they were nine years old. It was Hajime pushing him with a insult that never reach his heart. It was their first kiss right here beside the stream. The present was Hajime, holding him in the silence. And all Tooru knew was Hajime was his future. He had dreams. They would live in the country side so that it was quiet and peaceful. Tooru would paint landscapes and sketch beautiful things. He would draw their life together if he had to. It was nights cuddling on the couch as the watched a movie, or lying next to each other sharing stories.

Don’t leave me.

Don’t leave me.

Don’t leave me.

Three times. Three times Tooru had uttered that plea. The first time was when they were applying for junior high. They had only gotten into one school together. Tooru had started crying in Hajime’s room at the news. That was the first plea. The second was determining their high school. What fun would high school be, would playing at the best school be if he wasn’t with his best friend? That was the second plea. The third was when the acceptance letters had come in the mail for college. Hajime had gotten into several schools in Tokyo and one in Miyagi. Tooru had begged him then. Hajime had held him while he cried, kissing his forehead holding him tight. He couldn’t leave his mother. She was sick, and his father had died back when they were small. It was the first time that Hajime had told him he couldn’t follow him. They couldn’t follow each other. He could still hear Hajime’s words.

“Go on an adventure alone this time, Tooru. I’ll be right here waiting for you to come back.”

The words broke Tooru’s heart. He was scared. How could he do this alone? He cursed Hajime, screamed at him telling him how selfish he was. Hajime had sat on Tooru’s bed, listening quietly, waiting for him to finished and dissolve into a crying mess in Hajime’s lap, the words stuck on his lips. Hajime had pulled him up, kissed him. He didn’t say a word. He held him tight. It was all Tooru to do to keep from melting into the bed.

Tokyo opened the door to a whole world of opportunities. It was far more than Miyagi had ever offered. He would meet new people without the familiarity and comfort that he had been so privileged with. Matsun was going to the same school in Tokyo. They would be roommates. Maki would be staying in Miyagi with Hajime. At least he would know one person. His biggest fear, the one that kept him up at night was what if Hajime found someone better? What if he was happier with someone else? What if Tooru was? What if Tooru had so much fun in Tokyo he never wanted to come back? His biggest fears was leaving Hajime.

What would he do when his anxiety was getting out of control, a panic attack bubbling just beneath the surface, and he just needed Hajime? He couldn’t run across the street and knock on his window. Who would talk to him in the middle of the night when he was close to tears with doubt? What if that small voice in the back of his head wouldn’t shut up? When the void became too painful, and he was close to giving up? When he wanted to hurt himself or just end it all. Nobody else knew that, not even Tooru’s own mother knew that. He couldn’t tell Matsun like Hajime had suggested. Sure he could call Hajime, but what if he didn’t answer? Hajime promised he would always answer, no matter what. He would step out of class if he had to. Anything for his best friend, his boyfriend.

Tomorrow he would board the train with Matsun and they would make their journey to the next chapter of their lives. They’d leave behind the people they loved most in the world, leave everything they had ever known. It was scary, but Hajime promised him he would have a good time. How could Hajime possibly know that? What if he hated Tokyo? He had presented that question more than once. Hajime had given him that sideways smirk that drove Tooru crazy and told him he could always come home. It was true. He could come home.

 

As the sunset faded into black and the stars danced across the sky, twinkling in silence, almost as if to say it was okay, the tears started to swell in his eyes. Everything around him was counting down the second until he had to leave it all behind. He just wanted on more day, just one more day with Hajime.

“We should go,” Hajime’s voice was soft, rough from being silent for so long.

“Just a little longer.” It wasn’t a question.

“Tooru, we have to go. It’s getting dark and soon we won’t be able to see to get home.” He didn’t move from where he sat, holding Tooru.

“We’ve gone through the woods a million times.”

“Tooru, we have to go.”

This time he did move. It felt so cold without him. So this was a preview of life without Hajime: Cold and Dark. Tooru forced himself to get up, to take Hajime’s hand and walk with him out of the woods, down the hill that led to their neighborhood and down their street. Tooru didn’t want to be alone. He stared at their houses, the lights on in both as they stood under a streetlight. Hajime’s eyes were glued to Tooru; he brushed his lips against his. It was over too soon leaving Tooru wanting more, wanting to hold him forever in this moment under a streetlight between their houses under the starry sky.

Hajime took his face in his hands, wiping away the tears. Tooru stared into his eyes, into his soul. He could see his mind working. Everything was on full display like it had been all those years, and tonight he wanted to stare into them forever. Hajime smiled, kissing Tooru’s hands, before leading him toward Tooru’s home.

The thing about the Oikawa residence was that it was larger than most homes in the neighborhood. Tooru had lived here his whole life, and walking into it for the last time made his head spin. His eyes lingered on the picture hanging on the walls, and the small set up of the living room with a sofa and television, a small coffee table in the middle. Hajime tugged him away, up the stairs. Tooru felt like he was drowning in the house and Hajime was keeping him above water. They laid down on the bed for the last time. Everything was so final.

Hajime pulled Tooru tight, kissing him, holding him. They were so close. Tooru didn’t want to leave. One last time. Everything was so final, so…Tooru couldn’t think anymore. He didn’t want this to be the end. Leaving his entire life behind for a new life in a new city was beginning to sound like a bad idea. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was too late to enroll at Hajime’s college so that way everything would stay the same. Deep down he knew he wouldn’t be happy.

Tooru closed his eyes, breathing Hajime in. Hajime pulled Tooru’s glasses off, reaching over to set them on the night stand. He didn’t understand, Hajime didn’t understand that he needed to look at him, to see him so clearly. He needed to memorize his face. He had nineteen years and he’d not memorized it. Why had he wasted so much time? It was all falling apart. Finally he let himself go, sobbing into Hajime’s chest until he fell asleep.

He awoke the next morning to Hajime’s smiling face, and the golden rays of Miyagi’s sunrise spilling into his room. Were the sunrises as beautiful in Tokyo? No. Nothing could be as beautiful as the way the light reflected in Hajime’s eyes. Today was the day, and he didn’t want to leave. His head was screaming, his mind racing.

Hajime held him close as they waited for the train next to family and friends. As the sound of the train pulled into the station, there hugs and goodbye exchanged among the group. Like a magnet, Tooru returned to Hajime, burying his face in his chest as the wind from the train flying through the station ripped at his clothes. There was nothing to be said. Hajime gave him one last kiss before pushing him away. They stared at each other for a moment. It was the shortest and longest moment of his life.. Tooru barely made it into the train before the doors closed behind him. The train flew away, and just like that, Hajime was gone.

The train ride was filled with Matsun talking excitedly about their plans for the new apartment they would share, and their class scheduled. Tooru could barely hear him as he hugged his knees to his chest and watched the fields transform into cities. He wondered what the people in the houses and buildings were doing. Were they closing a chapter, and counting all the last times too? Or were they staying the same in their sweet homes with those they loved, staying comfortable. Tooru couldn’t speak. His voice was in Miyagi.

The two exited the train into the busy station in Tokyo. The sound, lights, voices, and crowds were almost overstimulating. Next to him Matsun was staring around in awe, a smile on his face. It didn’t make sense how he could be so happy when he too left his boyfriend, family, and life behind at that station in Sendai. They grabbed a taxi. Matsun’s face was pressed against the window. Tooru didn’t bother. He stared at his shoes instead.

The apartment was small, but a perfect size. Tooru couldn’t help be think about how perfectly he and Hajime could fit here. They could have movie marathons, and long conversations until the sun began to peak into their rooms.

A lump was in the throat as he walked into the room Matsun hadn’t claimed and began unpacking. He tried to be positive, tried to look forward, but it was so hard. The room wasn’t his room. The bed wasn’t his bed. Of course he could make it his, and he was sure the apartment would become a new home with Matsun. They would have a good time in Tokyo. He knew all of this but all he could focus on was how much he missed Hajime, how badly he wanted to hear his voice. His phone buzzed on the dresser, he answered not bothering to look at it. He couldn’t focus even if he had.

“Hi! How was your trip? How’s your apartment? Tell me everything. I love you.”

Tooru couldn’t speak for a moment. He buried his face in his arms as the sobs started coming. A smile formed on his lips. “Hajime.”

“I told you I was a phone call away.”

As Tooru sat on the floor of his new apartment talking to the man he loved, he stared out the window at the lights and sights of the city. He could see the people walking down the streets, and the cars bumper to bumper. His eyes turned to the sky and he saw the same sunset, with the same golds, pinks, and purples. Hajime saw it too. It wasn’t the end.

It was only the beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment! I'll love you forever and ever. <3
> 
> I'm making this into a college AU series of one shots. :)


End file.
